A Sort Guide to Comparative Religions


(author unknown)

RELIGION PHILOSOPHY
AGNOSTICISM: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven’t tasted it, so I’m not sure whether its shit or not.
AN EMPLOYER: Shit happens, and rolls down hill.
ATHEISM: Sheeit.
ATHEISM: It look and smells like shit, so I’ll be damned if I’m going to taste it.
BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it really isn’t shit.
CALVINISM: Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.
CAPITALISM: Shit happens, and it’ll cost you!
CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are BAD but we love you anyway.
CHARISMATIC: Shit is happening because you deserve it.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind. When shit happens, don’t call a doctor–pray.
COMMUNISM: It’s everybody’s shit.
CONFUCIANISM : Confucius say, “shit happens”.
EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is.
HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens rama rama ding ding.
HEDONISM: There’s nothing like a good shit happening.
HEISENBERGISM: Shit happened, we just don’t know where.
HINDUISM: This shit happened before.
HINDUISM: This shit isn’t a religion, it’s the way of life.
IRAQI BAATHIST: Oh shit!
ISLAM: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.
JUDAISM:  Why does this shit always happen to us?
MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens.
MORMON: This crap is going to happen again. Hey, there’s more shit over here!
NEWAGE: That’s not shit, it’s feldspar. A firm shit doesn’t happen to me. This isn’t shit if I really believe it’s chocolate. I create my own shit.
NIXONISM: Shit didn’t happen, and if it did I didn’t know anything about it.
PROTESTANISM: Let the shit happen to someone else.
RASTAFARIAN: Let’s roll that shit up and smoke it.
REFORM JUDAISM: Got any laxatives?
RELIGION FROM AN ATHEIST’S POINT OF VIEW:  I haven’t smelt, seen, touched or tasted it, but I know it’s shit.
SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.
SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays.
STOICISM: This shit is good for me.
TAOISM:  If you can shit, it isn’t shit.
TELEVANGELISM: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
UNITARIANISM: Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
VOODOO: Shit doesn’t just happen — somebody dumped it on you.
WICCA: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
YUPPIE SHIT: It’s my shit! All mine! Isn’t it beautiful?
ZEN : What is the sound of shit happening?
ZOROASTRIANISM: Shit happens half the time.

 

 

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